On Saturday I had a wee mosey around the charity shops. Before I went, I told myself firmly I would not buy any more clothes. My wardrobe is bulging with clothes and I really need to do a sort out, that does not include adding to the collection.
What always happens when you try to be strict with yourself? You come up with chazza gold and find something you can't resist.
Original 1970s plus size dresses, for £3.95 each. How could I say no. The only problem is, there was about half a dozen of them, and I bought 2. NOW right now, I want to run right along and buy up the other 4. Would that be greedy do you think?
I have not been inclined to blog much lately, even though I do miss it, and its a great record for our family. I guess its hard to blog for 3 years about your lovely little family, Mama, Papa and baby, only to have Papa walk out after being exposed as the worst possible kind of husband. I am still coming to terms with being a single Mama. Anyway, a couple of die hard readers have been in touch asking about the blog so it pushed me in to a new post.
March has been very busy for me and a bit traumatic. My Mum broke her arm, my friend lost her son, Oscar and Aimee had the Norovirus and I started about 100 projects and then left them half finished. Ah well, lets hope April has better things in store.
my poor poor baby
He spent a lot of time in bed.
I on the other hand spent some time lounging on top of the bed when I bought myself a onesie and discovered how hot they are.
heatwave !
We have had some beautiful sunsets from our street here by the sea.
And of course, a pretty amazing solar eclipse.
Thankfully Oscar is just about 100% better now, right in the nick of time for the Easter school break, 3.5 days and he's counting.
Easter is a very precious time to me, and as with many Christians, we turn our thoughts to our Savior Jesus Christ.
Yesterday was palm Sunday and I couldn't help but think of Him riding in on donkey to cheers of joy, knowing full well that in a few short days he would suffer in ways we can't even comprehend.
How fortunate we are sometimes not to know what suffering we will have to endure on our path in this life. Our Lord had no such luxury.
I hear its been snowing in Scotland ? Not here though. On the north east coast we seem to escape a lot of the snowfall. Not that its not freezing mind you, the wind chill is awful, but so far its been a fairly snowless winter. Travel 10 miles inland though and it is a different story all together.
Poor wee Oscar has been sick all week. As we limp towards Friday I don't mind admitting its been a struggle. In this scenario his father cant win, because it irritates me when he messages to see how Oscar is, because he should be here for him (like I am). Of course if he didn't call or text I would be annoyed that he didn't care enough to pick up the phone. And that is what its like day to day when dealing with the devastation of a marriage break-up. There is inevitable annoyance no matter what the guilty party does. I don't think I have had more than two consecutive hours sleep since Sunday (and neither has Oscar), and frankly I am exhausted. The only plus point of being awake in the middle of the night is the amazing night-scapes right outside our window. The moon is notoriously hard to capture (on a fairly cheap digital camera), but I had a go all the same.
The pictures do it no justice, it was almost worth being awake for
I read this article the other day, and I have to be honest and say a lot of it resonated with me. I am not the only single parent in our ward, there are 5 of us (active and attending most weeks), so in some respects its been made slightly easier for me. I do however, understand exactly how the author feels about the church's strong push to towards the nuclear family being the only way to survive in this modern world. I actually, kind of agree with this, but I also hope it doesn't mean I am doomed to failure because I cant meet the standard.
My impending divorce also falls within the 'acceptable category' of Christian LDS divorce, namely, it was my husbands fault. I offered reconciliation, joint counseling, and the promise to try and exercise forgiveness. The truth is, my ex didnt want forgiveness, he made it very clear he wanted to carry on being unfaithful and promptly moved out of our home and began living in another city.
I like to think I am a good Mother, we all have our insecurities, but on the whole, I try pretty hard, and no one could claim to love their children more than me. How sad then, to feel that no matter how hard I try, it just won't be enough, because his Daddy left.
I do want to find an eternal husband though, and although I have made small baby steps towards getting to know other single people, I am also aware that the amount of single LDS women far out weighs the amount of single LDS men (unless I move to Utah or Idaho, which may not be as far fetched as it first sounds). I may not find someone in this mortal life and it grieves me to think I will feel like a failure all that time.
For now, I am navigating the ups and downs of managing alone (my son is sick today and not in school, so I couldnt go to work). I am sad my marriage ended (devastated may be a better description), but the support I have received from my church and church friends has far exceeded the feeling of not being 'part of the club'.
